Is Your Boner A Crime?

I’ve been quiet for a while, in general, put my soap box away (we’re going to hell in a hand basket as a country and species and it has nothing to do with sex), and finally well let’s just say I’ve been a little “Busy”.  Just like Bubba Clinton’s definition of  “is” is a statement you can interpret that any way you like the one hint I”ll give is that lube sales are way up, might want to buy stock because no matter how you look at I’ve been getting fucked.

First my disclaimer I am not a lawyer and I do not play one on TV, I am not an elected official nor am I a fan of any said person regardless of their political party.  Often I get Emails accusing me of being a liberal tree hugger (chemicals are bad and organic might be better deal with it, dependence on foreign oil is stupid those people hate us so lets stop buying their product and let them all starve) and at other times accusing me of being a right wing plant (yes I support the members of our military and think they all deserve our gratitude and respect) so for the sake of trying to stem some of the hate mail I get on occasions I define my own political views as Morally liberal, politically conservative and fun at parties.  (for a longer definition of my intention of this statement go to the ** at the end of the post)

Normally I like to take things in order but in this case let’s start with Line 123 & 124 of  Missouri Senate Bill 586 & 617 of the 95^th General Assembly. “Human male genitals in a discernibly turgid state, even if completely and opaquely covered”

I’ll admit it I knew what they meant but had to look up the literal definition for turgid which made me undulate with crescendo, derision and insolence having been scorn by the use of the word.  Stupid fucks look I can use big words too like arrogant imperialists.  BTW According to dictionary.com

“Turgid –adjective

1.  swollen; distended; tumid.

2.  inflated, overblown, or pompous; bombastic: turgid language.”

So does this mean that should I develop a passion for tight jeans and a sexual penchant for pick up trucks that I run the risk of making the local Government Motors dealer ship an adult business?  What if I sport some wood in running tights prior to the start of a race?  Is the event organizer thereby breaking the law since obviously something caused me to fly my flag because shit like that just doesn’t happen.  (part 573.828 line 52 for a reference point)  What about high school for Christ sake?  I think I had a hard on for all 4 years and I am certain that it had a lot to do with the nature of the institutions other “surrounding products” like Jenny, Rachel, Becki, and Georgia. See page 2 in section 573.528 lines 9 & 10)  Maybe I’m not Turgid maybe I just have a giant and firm dick print?  Who is going to judge it.  I can see it now with this state’s love or Red light camera’s and now speeding camera’s the next thing will be a Boner cam and boner patrol.

I’d also like to point out that is specifies human males so feel free to parade your boner waving poodle down main street, your prize bull with his gander up at the county fair, or the horse with that giant schlong  that looks like a retractable ladder at the local princess and cowboy themed kids parties.  They can all be aroused after all its only natural…except for human males.  Then it is a disturbing and unnatural state.    You know what disturbs me?  The fact that despite the comparison no human male I have ever seen is actually hung like a horse!

I can honestly say that all kidding aside I take great offense to the notion that the state feels the need to enforce the repeatedly in legislation that adult business that are legally and duly zoned and operate within the confines of the law have to use their words “an adverse secondary side effect”.  Its point they make time and again in the bill, no cabaret, no under boob (with a shirt and bikini top exclusion assuming the hideous nipple region is duly covered) but someone on the drafting committee likes cleavage above the areola since the state specifically pointing out that a woman’s cleavage above that point is acceptable (line 89-92 in the bill) which should make a lot of the Cami tank aftermarket chest BMW driving crowd and old busty church going grandma’s feel better.

They pick on art and photo studios in lines 93-98 so even if you don’t consider yourself to be a pornographer your state consider the human body in an unclothed form sexually graphic and obscene…my words and interpretation.   Does that mean the photo shoot I’m working on is now illegal?  Maybe but then again it’s an all volunteer endeavor and I won’t be selling the pictures fuck it I’ll move the shoot to a less restrictive state and post them to Fetlife from there. Still my own photographic rope adventures aside it amazes me the never ending debate about art vs. porn.   To the best of my knowledge most of us are here because well somebody decided to have sexual relations with someone else.   Please great protector of our minds and souls don’t ban sexy women next!

Will it affect cabaret shows?  Yes line 83.  Will it affect Lifestyle events, play parties and classes?  Probably.  i don’t want to play with people who have to wear more than a g string and tape.  I’m considering going to the Grue in the Lou in September.  Before it was just to become a better rigger but now it’s more so to be defiant, to enjoy an event like that before someone else determines that the fact I like to tie up women who want to be tied limits the places that I can interact exclusively with like minded adults.

Should there be a porn shop or strip club next to a church?  Probably not.  Near a grade school or High school…absolutely not. Near a college  (line 99-104) yes they are over 18 and should be equipped to deal with it unless raised by closed minded puritans.  Kevin Smith’s bit in Clerks 2 about pussy trolls comes to mind and everywhere else is pretty much good with me and most of us.  Go thump your bible and save someone else’s soul.  I hear friends screaming wait you think all the adults shops in Missouri blow and hate strip clubs.   All of which is true but I still think they should be allowed to exist.  I also think Christians who consistently scream at me for running on the public sidewalk by their church on the way to services are two face assholes who should remember the pedestrians have the right of way in a cross walk even if you are late to tell your savior how much you want to be like him but I don’t try to ban their churches.  Perhaps their seat in the afterlife might be very close to mine because if nothing else I’m honest about who and what I am. Then again

All of this just seems to be going the wrong way now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to head back to be fucked…and not by my wife or some random lover but by an over reaching government agency, or the morality police.

**In case you missed the intended meaning of “Morally Liberal, Political Conservative and Fun at Parties” let me spell it out.  Morally liberal equals I support gay marriage, alternative lifestyles between consenting adults, the right to believe what every you want to politically or religiously as long as it doesn’t impede or interfere with what others including myself believe.  Politically conservative is I like to think that small government is a good government and that no one should put their hands in my pocket unless I tell them it’s ok and it’s to rub my dick and play with my balls.  Well that and I kind of like guns.  Fun at parties…if you need a definition of this one the U.S. educational system failed you and you might want to litigate.  After all it’s the quintessentially American thing to do.

First thanks to all of you who have kept reading, commenting, and sent me email over the past few months. Work life away from myspace and side projects had consumed me almost completely. I lost my sense of humor, and creativity and became even for me very dark. A week laters and two singnatures on a big stack of papers I think I’m slowly becoming my old self again. SO for this piece Consider this the start of a series that will just sort of happen along the way the next one is in process and is called “Staring at naked women for work and inspiration”.

Enjoy

Mal

Ok I write smut. It use to be pretty regularly now its only on occasion. When it comes to literary pursuits I’ve defiled a person sexually in a variety of lurid, violent, and salacious way more times than I can count including recounting a few real life experiences that when looking back at them I wondered who was more deranged me for enjoying it of the woman for often suggesting we take things to such extremes and completely getting off on it.

Just last week I had a hysterically funny swinger conversation with my own Chesty Blonde (who is not really into that scene) and on Saturday night offered to take another woman (the Blonde was right next to me at the time) to a swinger party not far from the party we were standing at. She was flattered until the realization that I might not just be calling her bluff became all too obvious. After which I suggested taking her to a nice fetish social 40 minutes away for a very sound spanking in front of 75 people. She declined on that offer as well. You can’t say I didn’t try.

Recently as I’ve alluded to here I’ve taken to helping out some friends and put a distant part of my past talents to work for them making lingerie videos. So far it has been working from stills to create interesting motion and getting my long lost production skills back but things are moving along nicely.

On average they get about 2500 views a week all over the net which is pretty cool and I get to look at pictures of scantily clad women under the auspicious guise of being able to call it work. Last Sunday I spent six hours combing through the initial submissions and modeling sites looking for models to set up for my first made from scratch video. None of which were half as sexy as many of my friends on here.

Any how my friends give me the email and comment feed back on the latest batch of videos and there is a request that I stop using primarily front shots and to put is as one viewer did “show a little ass”. No problem since first and foremost I consider myself an ass man. I took upon myself to create a piece that features that attribute. After all if lingerie only ever gets seen from the front the thing would have never been created, the lace up and detail on corsets and bustiers would not exist, not to mention I’d have to find other places to put my hands a large percentage of the time. (insert smacking sound of choice…if you’re into that sort of thing of course)

In my art I’ve always walked a fine line between art and writing that I thought told the story or situation in an interesting yet still arousing way rather than a pure bump and grind insert thrust and repeat manner. I

So there I am so proud of my little creation. I send it off the up load it to their myspace profile and it never gets viewed. Off to You Tube, Yahoo video and dozens of others…deleted again and again.

I call them to apologize.

Malflic – “I guess I went too far this time”

Desired Lingerie – “Dude don’t worry about it”

Malflic – “ I’m not sure what the problem is. I’ll re edit it and get it sent over late tonight.”

Desired – “Man I don’t know but fuck’em. Most people could have gotten off to the ones before it too.”

Malflic – “It seemed pretty tame to me, just a lot of g-strings and panning to bedroom eyes”

Desired – “Mike seriously don’t touch it and next time try to make so hot that people just come from watching it and don’t even have to jerk off”

Malflic – “umm…ok”

Desired – “and can you use some girls with Curves”

and there my friends you have it my new goal in life to make a video that can get some one so hot and bothered that they just orgasm. Its a nice ideal but not very attainable in my mind.

Any how here’s the one before the banned one which I don’t think I’ve shared here yet

and you can watch the banned video and its predecessor (in case the link gets blocked http://www.desiredlingerie.com/lingerie-video.aspx )

Let me know which one you think is better because I sure don’t get what was wrong with showing a little extra ass.