Another dose of my political satire…blah, blah blasphemy, blah, blah, mockery, bah, bah, black sheep. Just a little Freedom of Speech and a reminder that according to the Nuns I’ve been going to hell since the second grade.
Yep that’s right its erection day and being the jaded anti establishment cynic that I am let’s take a look at the options. Keep voting for career liars on both sides of the aisle or tell them to fuck off. Here’s a novel idea let’s all vote for the people we lost our virginity to. After all in my case I’m sure Julie has done quite well with her huge sexy trust fund and well to do daddy lawyer. Oh wait actually I’d be surprised if she’s now not part of the problem so make that let’s vote for the first really slutty person we had intercourse with who is not currently married to a political type, lobbyist, lawyer, or crossing state lines to fuck a governor . Ok I’ll admit it Ashley DuPree is the hottest woman I’ve seen in Playboy in recent memory so who can blame Spitzer I’d have flown her to Budapest if she wanted. After all if we’re going to keep getting screwed shouldn’t it be by a person we enjoy getting fucked by. And BTW if you are old enough to buy alcohol but haven’t lost your virginity you shouldn’t be allowed to vote since you apparently know very little about living anyhow.
Yes I know my vote out who ever is in position will anger McCain (and a lot of other career politico’s) who I saw pleading on TV a while back for his job since he’s been a good elected official for the last 4 million years. Asshole that’s the problem no matter whether I agree with you or not career politicians are bad news. Lucky for you I’m not in your state. Doubt me? Look around at who your choices are and find an election without a long I’ve held every office I could get elected to since grade school type in it.
Let’s look at my view point one more time as a reminder, I despise stupid rules, want to keep my own money and not pay for other folks short comings (education and military issues aside), I think we should fight wars to win (cheap oil and free parking in the middle east anyone?) world opinion be damned, and just when you had me pegged as a right winger I’d like to remind you I’m very pro gay marriage it’s not a legislative issue if your church is against it then fine but the gov’t shouldn’t even be involved, think small family and organic farmers should not be put at a disadvantage by big farmer gov’t subsidy (I bought my first food co op membership in the early 90’s before it was trendy), think alternative energy is an absolute necessity, and carry my own re-useable bags to the store and mine were actually made by my “I swear I’m not a hippie” mother out of left over fabric ironically from her church quilting group so stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Unless of course you’re looking to get high then well you might want to choose something else. Should pot be legal? Based on the Zombies in downtown Denver this spring I’m a little afraid of that one.
In all seriousness when I voted this morning there were more than 10 people running unopposed. Granted all but one were judges but did this country turn into communist China? Is the Wall Street Journal now Provda? That’s not a dig on Obama since every single candidate running unopposed sported an elephant symbol. It’s a dig on the American people how can we not have someone to run against them in major election as a choice.
Is our country divided? Absolutely! The issue is not that we are divided but that so many of us push our own agenda’s as the one true way and we are all so intolerant of other ideas and life styles. After all I’m a prime offender with my own anti religious sentiments. The term moral majority and religious right make me tremble. Other than Buddhists, Hindu, Pagans and Wiccans when religion comes up I run the other way. Then again I’ve never been accosted at a party by a militant Buddhist pushing his religious agenda at me while discussing killing Bambie. No not a hooker named Bambie whose corpse was in his the trunk of his Camero but the wildlife kind that was hanging proudly from his kid’s Disney princesses’ basketball hoop for the world to see. I have however been confronted by an angry vegetarian about my penchant for hot wings as Tabasco and blue cheese dressing ran down my chin. Meat may be murder but I have sharp teeth so nature disagrees (ironically I’m eating more and more vegetarian all the time but shhhh don’t tell KT and Diva that).
Now quit touching yourself since this is the furthest thing from erotica I can imagine, turn off your Hitachi, get dressed and go vote you fucking pervs. You can tell me I’m an idiot later and before someone asks I do not believe wearing a properly concealed butt plug or insertable of choice to a polling place violates any laws excluding of course Virginia, Alabama and any place run by a man who dresses like Boss Hog.
“Am I a patriot or a pin head?” Neither I’m an anarchist but getting a group of use to assemble is sort of like herding cats.
And now the requisite disclaimer: This is political satire if you don’t like it leave because despite our government’s best effort and yes it includes the Obama, Bush and Clinton administrations equally and several unions like um the UAE & SEIU. Free and disparate speech is still kind of protected by the constitution unless of course the above named duly (and I use the term duly very loosely in this scenario) elected officials disagree in which case it is no longer protected for the purposes of their political convenience and all future posts will be coming from Gitmo. Which still isn’t closed good job asshole wanna put on a flight suit and stand on an aircraft carrier like your predecessor since that worked out so well! Either way in which case you’re pretty much fucked and might as well have bought swamp land in Arkansas with a Koran stuck up your ass and a questionable name a DCA TSA screening staff member couldn’t pronounce because you’re never going to be heard from again. For the last time Miss Mary Security Screener my name is Polish not Armenian!
I am an equal opportunity offender, all parties and public persons are fair game. Politics are a joke so take it as one! Nothing like rich men (and increasingly women) with ego’s the size of say Venezuela pretending like they give a fuck about the rest of us. It’s the adult equivalent of a whore you dated in college saying I love you and then hanging up the phone to be at the front of a ZBT train for a gang bang. (No offense to ZBT’s intended we all love a good gang bang now and then. Yes I changed the letters since last time as not to stereo type a single organization)