Yes this is the Fetish Friday post, yes the title is a little different but it deals with several of my most enduring fetishes, music, fetish wear, and of course rough sex. A literary interpretation of my experience, on the bands, the music, and the meaning of life (well kind of)

Enjoy

-Mal

Chasing the Dragon Part 1 – The escape

So Monday Night I drifted into a world that I love.   If you share a passion for sexually graphic music, sexy little fetish and raver girls, and sense of humor then its the right place to be.  The crowd was a mix of old fucks like me all the way down to the barely legal crowd.  The male uniform seemed to be black t shirts and jeans or dark cargo shorts though there was one gent in a gold sequin jacket next to me who had a very interesting date.

Like so many of us I live a dual life in many senses of the word, there is the person who I am and the person I am very much expected to be. In most cases those two do not coincide but I have spent countless years trying and struggling to find that balance; to create a life where who I am is who I am expected to be.  After all who doesn’t want to escape from being the person who is chased and who despises what he has allowed his withered soul to become?  It is in the shadows that I feel most at home.

Have you ever been in a crowded room surrounded by strangers?  Of course you have we all have been at one point or another.  School, Social club, conference, movie theater or restaurant.  The fact is I struggle socially most of the time, now keep in mind a large part of how I make my living is being social.  Oh sure I’m conversational, polite, well versed, and factually sound.  Is the person in the suit talking about all that sort of thing who I am? Not really it is simply what I do.

Far from the contrived splendor of the business world I once again drifted into the night, away into the shadows attempting to put what I am as far away from who I am and swim in as many passions, lusts, and addictions as possible.  I once again found myself at first in line with and then in a room filled with complete strangers although a few old friends would arrive a bit later.   Unlike who I am expected to be this group was refreshing and welcome not a struggle for me.  No one would be shocked that I’m a sadist and like to tie up naked women who also like to be tied up, roughed up and fucked.  Instead I was surrounded by people who were just happy to be there, happy to see a band or bands that they loved.   Many looked the part, some more so than others but there was a wonderful nonexclusive vibe about the entire night.  Sure I had on a black t and tattered olive cargo shorts. No one bagged on me for not wearing boots instead people smiled and introduced themselves.   We smiled and chatted one woman who was a long time fan of My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult  befriended me.  A young couple who met on the way in were welcoming and friendly.  She was small decked out in a purple corset, lace up vinyl shorts, and diamond net stockings.  He was tattooed with a Mohawk that was growing out.  There was a look about him that told he was tough, he carried himself in a confident but not arrogant way and was so gentle with in his gestures and his words towards his girl friends that it was in fact very touching.  This was my reality for hours, it was an escape in the deepest and darkest of ways.   It had all the lure of a night in Vegas in a rather intimate and much more personally appealing way.  By the end I would be floating like a spirit in the night.  Unfortunately nothing last for ever.

Part 2 Acceptance

So the First Band of the was a local group I believe the said the were called the Perfect but I’ll be damned if I can find their facebook fan page. Sorry boys but I tried for 10 minutes to find it and link to it for you.  Seems they’ve been around for a while and did a nice job. Their had light up mic and drum stands which was a cool touch that added a pseudo retro feel to the stage but their sound was a solid alternative rock.  At this point I’m watching a good local group and surrounded by people dressed for a fetish ball in vinyl and rubber, sea’s of black dresses, combat boots, a flack jacket looking thing or two, the occasional glow stick and lots and lots of thigh high boots with torn fishnet stockings.

Next up Was Blownload From Sacramento California In all fairness I watched them on a webcast show a week earlier from Wisconsin and knew going in I dug their music,  sexual humor, and general sense of sinful sacrilege (“if sodomy’s a crime, then sodomy’s a must”).  If you do nothing else watch their keep sex evil video (you tube and they also have nice myspace page with vids and tunes on it) and go see them anytime they are with in driving distance of you. If I’m near by i’ll be there too.   The blownload boys also worked their tails off as the road crew/ guitar and drum tech types for Thrill Kill and the lords and were cool in doing so.  The bass player Crash warned a young woman about the dangers of standing in front of the Lords keyboard player.  Despite her girl next door looks in a red t, blue jeans and long blond hair she knew exactly what she was getting into. Earlier I over heard her telling her date and some friends that she has loved the lords since she was 12.  Anf that my friends is my kind of girl!  One of the things that stood out to me was how cool everybody was to each other in general.  Some of the musician’s themselves were in the crowd digging what the other bands were doing.  People would just strike up conversations between sets.  I for the most part went by myself though had a few fetish friends who would be there “at some point”  and who I would later leave with.   So instead I talked to a series of young couple who was ultimately cool with me.  I watch the man in a gold sequined jacket fornicate with his entirely too inebriated female friend.  Lets just say image a small brunette with her elbows on the edge of the stage pulling and twisting the hell out of her own nipples while her friend helped stimulate her from behind. Public sex is one thing, an orgy is another, but sex in a crowd of people watching a concert well lets say I’m not prudish myself but later would learn a few things about myself the surprised me a little.

My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult took the stage and the audience to another level.  I’d always heard of them but never took the time to listen to them.  Ironic since once I did a few weeks back I realized that their god mocking lyrics and sexual innuendo made them a great addition to my perverted music listening.  the crowd was emphatic and bordering on crazy.  At one point I had a cougar type grinding on me harder than most women I’ve fucked with even the most violent intensity.  It added to the ambiance nothing like a well built mid 40′s blond with high end jewelery, a soft yellow summer dress and coach purse  living life with reckless abandon for a few minutes.  She was so rough and intense that I literally had to tense up to keep from getting knocked down and lead into her on impact.  this is one of the surprising moments.  I didn’t want to be ground on, i didn’t want to dirty dance, i wanted to watch the band and dance and let the music take me.  Also I think she was absolutely bonkers and not is an crazy sexy just a crazy scary,  Thrill Kill was a paired down group from the glory days of 9 members but it didn’t seem to matter to their long time fans as the band played hard and worked the hell out of the crowd with a mix of rock star abandon and crowd interaction.  After all this concert goer found a little bit of that right up against the stage front row insanity in the people crushed in around him from the nut job cougar to the couple fucking next to me.  I got slapped in the face by Jacky as part of the show and loved every minute of them.  All I can say is their live show doesn’t necessarily translate well over the internet or video it has to be seen in person to feel the passion and intensity.

I would meet a few model types, on the break, make some new friends who were a cross section of sex workers, grad students, and people from every walk of life.  No one cared if you to the showed up in a Benz or a beat up old ford it was about other things not everyday life roles and status symbols. It was an escape for some a way of life for others.

As nice as all of this was it was merely a precursor to why I was really there.  I was their for one reason only and everything else while nice was foreplay for me I was there to Praise the lords.

The Lords took the stage opening up with Sex Bomb as an electric red hair she devil strutted seductively around the stage with a flogger gyrating and posing.  The crowd undulated and the music and lights danced along with us.   its ironic that one of the things about being a fan of the lords is you have to accept that the line up will change and this time around was no different with Praga being the only consistent member as usual but like any skilled high priest the rest of his musical minions lived up to their predecessors.  Lacey Conner of reality TV fame seemed comfortable in her newest role.  It is the music and the words that matter to me not who sings and plays them with one keyboard playing exception.  The Lords is an experience it is an adventure it is for me the ultimate escape and as the cranked though the expected songs with musical precision it was the crowd that was as entertaining as the band themselves. I passed more crowd surfing little raver girls over my head than ever before.  Being there is also very much being part of the show as female audience members join the band on stage for a few numbers through out the night.

I could have kept taking pictures but a man’s got dance, let loose and get his middle aged pervert groove on.

Part 3 An Unbelievable High

The Blond grinder from the Thrill Kill set would reemerge and some of my new acquaintances would help her to the side.  A little fetish type would ask me to sodomize her against the stage while the band played.  I politely declined informing her that I have strict rules about fucking women I don’t know in the ass no matter how sexy they are.  She told me she’d find someone else I wished her luck.  I had a hot republican housewife type come up to me stating that I looked safe.  “Safe is a relative term” I told her imagining that my yuppie goodness must have been escaping by black T.  We talked, she was beautiful and somehow in that crowd had determined that I was more or less harmless.  An interesting thing to me since i actually believe that I had probably done and partaken in far more wicked and evil things than most of the people who looked the part.   I would be surrounded by sexy young dancing women around me, with me, and with each other to many people this would have looked and sounded like the bowels of hell but to me it was heaven, it was as close to the perfect setting as my dark little heart has ever dreamed. I wished the Chesty Blonde was there with me, I longed for a few other friends from both the past and present, to dance with, to imbibe with to share these few seemingly divine moments with me.

On that warm summer night in the shadows of an old industrial part of town the events described, experienced and enjoyed is about as rare moment of clarity, epiphany, and the closest thing to a genuine religious experience as I’ll probably ever have. And that my friends is why the Heroin reference of Chasing the Dragon.  Addicts spend their lives trying to replicate that first seemingly perfect high.  I may very well spend the remainder of my days looking for another night as perfect as this.    So Praise the Lords! Fuck the Rest!

Let Visual Orgy Begin.

And finally ending on a humorous note

?

The Outro

So I’d quit being the observer and participated. I’d drift from the front of the room against the stage to the back of the club and back up again. but there are dark questions that probably should probably be addressed about my lifestyle, musical and sexual preferences.  Why the things that appeal to me are such a powerful force in my life, why I can’t  find the perfect pizza, My relationship with the corporate whore mongering world (thanks to Reverend John Sleestaxx for the phrase), is vodka really the drink of the Devil, how much coffee is too much and of course if you lived hard and failed to die young now what do you do.  But instead I’ll leave you with this.

Our bodies all entangled In a grip of ecstasy When eleven turns to midnight I’m gonna feel that lovin’ heat I wanna feel the good vibrations That you put inside my head Let’s return this for the last time On this bed”

The Real Thing by The Lords of Acid