The First Steps Toward Evil

How often do you feel innocence shatter? She wondered, does it more often meander into the nether world? Innocence was often masked as evil and evil was often masked as charm and charisma. After all, few have followed a boring righteous man to the ends of the earth, but legions have followed a charming and charismatic psychopath into atrocities against mankind and into the depths of hell. Do we all walk a dark path toward evil or is evil in and of itself just another part of our existence? And the people perceived as such were just filling the need that our humanness requires? Our world is far from a utopia, most often people were trapped, not by their circumstances or others, but by themselves. They build the wall. They build the layers. They build the limitations. The external world does not place any limits upon us that with will and desire we could not break. It is the magnificent lure of darkness, of fear and of power that leads all toward evil. That for which we lust most are we least likely to achieve. Solace was a lie we tell ourselves and true joy was found in the simplest of action, the most inconsequential moments, the most unmemorable but joyous events.

The dark prince and the fair maiden, it was laughable since Nadrea had never seen herself as the fair maiden, she continued to muse while sipping away at her libation asking herself if history does not innately perceive men as evil and women as purity and virtue. But why was it? Was it that men have always prized a woman’s innocence but a man’s darkness was also a means to his power and to provide for a woman and their offspring in an earlier time? Did no one think of a man’s sexual conquest with a whore as demoralizing to himself as it was for his future mate and the woman who was exchanging her virtue for a measly remittance. Tittering on the edge of Victorian roles and traditional sexual politics were her first confused steps toward evil. Evil was not in a man’s eyes as many would think but it was in his actions. More often his subversive concealed actions and not his openly overt ones. Was it that he was trying to hide his true nature from others or was it that he performing acts that in some way will advance himself. Why was it never the dark princess and the fair prince in our minds? Why was it that a man should be pure and a woman impure? Was being male so reprehensible that only Satan could spawn a son but not a daughter? A prize of innocence and virtue? Was a woman’s innocence such a prize, because it could in theory only be taken once? Then again, if one was creative and his partner willing, innocence can fall a myriad of times. Time and time again in both love, and sex until were are only tiny pieces of one’s shattered self left. Was a woman’s innocence a prize because a man under those circumstances could not be compared to another for any of his short comings, physical or otherwise? Was it a pathetic attempt to placate his own ego in knowing that he was by far the most exquisite lover she had ever taken? His own physical inadequacies real or perceived cannot exist.

When does innocence shatter? Does it shatter a little at a time? Piece by piece, until there is nothing left and one is left staring into the abyss that is their own pathetic existence. Wonder the path toward evil, bask in the glow that is power and achievement then sneak back in to the light. Otherwise, the evil deeds you must commit along the way will consume your soul, your thoughts and your actions. You will no longer be doing the evil deeds but you will have become them, and one cannot find the path back to the light if there is nothing but darkness, hopelessness and despair.

Nadrea laughed to herself and finished yet another drink, she loved to watch innocence shatter, she had seen it all so many times before and her lover scattered back into the suburbs to his pretty blond wife and ridiculous kids, Nadrea would be just another secret he would have to keep. She liked to think that she was the only one of her kind hidden in the closet that was his mind, but reality dictated that was not the case, still she hoped in someway she had helped him take his first steps toward deceit, his first tryst with passion and desire outside of the confines of his love and his first true steps toward evil.

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Copyright Michael Malflic 2008