Last time I checked I was still living in something that roughly resembles America albeit that is the case less and less everyday. Well except for the Government being representative of the people, the constant tinkering with broken tax codes to “even things out” (say it together folks SOCIALISM) and the executive branch deciding which company deserves to be saved like a wanton harlot sinner at southern tent revival meeting. Except she is quite content to to be a whore (General Motors and Chrysler) and sees nothing wrong with it ( AIG and Most of Wall Street) as long as you continue to give her money no matter if services were rendered or not.

Still as patriots and good god fearing people, unless like me you don’t believe in god, think modern justice is a twisted farce and know damn well that I am Santa Claus in my house, now bring on the woodland fairies so we can engage in a Meade fueled drunken orgy. No Pixies either? Fuck it. It sucks to be a disbeliever! How about some Vodka, and three Bi female swingers two of whom have rock’in implants? Damn right comrade I love America! However I digress, are we, or more specifically am I a threat to our (once) great nation.

Join me on my quest to find out if I in fact am an enemy of the state.

Lets start with this. A lovely report published with much ballyhoo and back lash before falling by the wayside for other blurbs about some necrophiliac rabbi and what certain senators may or may not have been aware of while dolling our hard earned tax dollars to AIG. The Report was issued by the great state of Misery.

As many of you know I’m not a fan of this flyover state…I find it well dull, uninspiring, backward, and overly and blatantly Midwestern. And I mean that in the least flattering way possible. (I can hear the other flat landers telling me to go back…gladly!)

You can read it if you like but essentially. Blah blah blah…Guns. Here’s an idea stop fucking people over and you won’t have to worry about their guns.

Blah Blah Blah something about a “New World Order”. Which even though I’m not a wrestling fan have in past years flipped through enough TV stations while sitting aimlessly in a hotel room to know that the New World order is just a bunch of guys in tights running around sweating and grunting while pretending to hurt each other. Its like a big gay spandex clad dungeon party except there aren’t any whips, testicle clamps or safe words, and there are more voyeurs than normal. Not my thing but apparently my state considers this a big deal. Afraid of juiced up guys in tights. Next thing you know they’re going to tell me the WWF has something to do with saving Bambie and not clubbing baby seals. Still I’m not big on grown men in tights unless…well actually there’s not an Unless. Mark this one off I might NOT be suspect here.

Blah Blah Blah…Supporters of Ron Paul. OK Republicans from Texas seem to be a big concern. After 8 years of Bush I get that one. Once again I’m actually safe.

Blah, Blah, Blah, Sons of Liberty…I’m not sure if I have any of their music but I have the Sisters of Mercy’s Greatest hits. Does that count? If so Sing this Corrosion to me!

Now lets see some of the things I probably am Guilty of

I’m opposed to Federal Income Tax…I’m opposed to most things I have no say in or control of that are forced upon me. Vegetables at dinner as a child for one. So check the list for that one. Guilty and damn proud of it. Some how I have the sad sorry and twisted idea that my job is to make money for myself and not to help out the rest of the fucking world and for the record mom technically watermelon is a fucking vegetable.

The report featured a lot of guys in Cammo. As a Kid I owned GI Joe Dolls and Cammo Pants Actually in my Junior year of college I had a room mate who had a fetish for ROTC Girls in BDU’s I’m not sure thats a damning fact but certainly is disturbing on so many levels that I’m bringing it up yet again nearly 20 years later.

Do I believe there is a master conspiracy…Hell no no one could fuck things up this bad intentionally. It was done by a bunch of self serving jack asses with different agenda’s. Its not a conspiracy its stupidity.

Do I believe in the economic collapse of the United States…Really you have to ask that? Have you seen the News in the last 10 Months. How about your 401k statement? Which reminds me I need to finish filling out my bailout request for the feds. I like to call it my Basic Income Growth Personal Emancipation Negative Income Support or B.I.G. P.E.N.I.S. Support plan to those in the know.

After all how would the world survive without another albatross proforma based use of tax payer money littered with obscene bonuses? It couldn’t then there would be nothing else on the news to be outraged about.

Lets take a closer look at how very dangerous any one of us might be.

Can you read? If so that in an of itself is a problem. Its too late to deny it since you’re looking at this part of the page and it doesn’t contain pictures and wasn’t created with crayons.

Speaking of Crayons. Did you ever Intentionally color outside of the lines. I did in kindergarten and it was a tale tale sign of my Anarchist Anti Establishment tendencies. Who’s have guessed that miserable fat bitch teacher would be right.

Do you actually have thoughts of your own? Your in really big trouble then. There is very little more dangerous than a person who thinks and forms their own opinions.

Have you even been in a chat room? Yes but there was no politics going on. Speaking of which just last week a woman sent me an unsolicited picture of herself tied naked to a rack and asked if I’d like to whip her. Adding her husband won’t mind since he’s a fan. Funny I didn’t know I had fans and it seems like an odd way to start a correspondence but it was in fact memorable. On Second thought its no more odd than asking strangers for money through the mail which happens everyday.

Sure there’s more reasons the Government might actually worry about me. I don’t think I ran right out and spent my stimulus check from George W at Wally World. I do crazy rebellious things like showing up to vote. I’m a registered member of a major political party. I’ve written checks to support candidates who I liked and agreed with (mostly on a state and local level). And tell every one that’s listen how screwed up everything is and we all need to get off there asses and fix it.

And that my friends is why I most likely would be considered and enemy of the state, because I’ve taken very real and definite actions to change the face of Government.

God Damn my unpatriotic ass for using their system against them!

Add all these things up and top it off with I had lunch with a Libertarian the other day and there is no doubt that my godless, sex, driven, capitalist, existence makes me the the only thing I ever could be…a menace to society.

Funny my high school guidance counselor called me a bull shit artist who was wasting his life and talents…maybe I should have gone into politics.