I struggled with whether or not to post this one and after asking a few friends opted to tell the story despite the nature of the event.

Malflic

Today I was going to write something
funny. Instead I had one of those unique experiences that makes me
even less tolerant of the flat lands of the Mid west. Look I know
there is racism, bigotry and homophobia on some level in most places.
Perhaps this kind of stupidity is best when its out
in the open so people can steer clear of it not that it makes it
right.

Today I was driving between two NFL
cities that are about 2 hours apart. Its a drive I make several
times a year on business. Its a drive that disturbs me for a lot of
reasons but I usually find something funny to write about it. As
fate would have about 45 minutes out of one the cities I needed to
take a piss so I pulled off on an otherwise typical all American
Midwestern interstate exit to the golden Arches of clogged arteries
to relieve myself.

I’m the only foreign car in the lot.
It happens. I’m wearing black dress shoes and a designer shirt with
jeans. It was a dressy casual look. My hair cut is reminiscent of
Ollie North and my face is so well shaved on this particular occasion
it would tickle the soft inner part of your thighs. (sorry babe

I was on my crack berry literally
trying to locate a shipment for Botswana as I crossed the parking
lot. I held the door open for an old couple coming out of the place.
Ended my call and went in to find the head. As I broke the plane
of the second door of the vestibule I hear some one call out
“Queer!”

At first I thought I mis heard surely
no one would be yelling queer at the top of their lungs in a public
place during lunch time. Then there it was again “ that’s right
keep walking you little queer!”

I took care of business somewhat
dismayed at what I had heard intending to get out of there as soon as
I could. It was more disturbing when upon exiting there was a 50ish
local with salt and pepper hair half way to his ass and a nice
assortment of missing teeth who seemed to have a beef with me.

So what does a gay person look like?
Well in this part of the world apparently the manual handed out to
every open minded god fearing patriot on how to spot a fagot had my
picture on it. See my mother was right nothing good would ever come
of my ill fated attempt to be a model in my late teens and early
20′s.

As I walked toward the exit he started
again looking right at me and calling me queer. Which was funny
since all he to judge me on was a car, and my clothes. I’ve been
called a lot of things over the years and some them were very hate
filled. Most often words don’t set me off. However if you start
something and it looks like its going to get physical I have a short
fuse and go on the offensive. Despite him continuing to insult my
size I’m far from little, weak, or smart enough to back down from
confrontations. On the last one I’ve got the scars to prove it.

Sure I could reason with him. If he
had a brain. It seems that every six months or so no matter where I’m
at I attract these type of morons.

Did He know that I watch Bravo? He was
fashion challenged.

He couldn’t have possibly known I voted
in support of gay marriage. Had he knocked me down and stolen my
wallet he would have found among other things an NRA membership and a
gun club card which I can only imagine on those parts of the world
would be some form stupid credentials.

I could Ignore him, which I honestly
tried to do until he stood up and started some diatribe about how
fags like me were the reason America was all fucked up.

So as I walked in front of him looked
him in the eye and offered “say what you want but I’m not the one
with hair like a girl you fucking dumb ass.” I’m certain my accent
returned, I do my best to hide it, its almost gone in everyday
conversation but when I’m pissed it comes right back. While he drank
that in and attempted to formulate a response I moved toward the door
with all the locals eyes on me. You could have heard a pin drop.
He stood silently as I left.

Someday I’ll probably get shot by an
asshole just like him.