This is in participation with the
good Reverend Sleestaxx’s event celebrating the penis. If that
doesn’t sound gay I don’t know what does but I’m playing along
anyway. For this to make any sense at all please read his blog Vagina Warriors before continuing. This is not for the faint of heart or Penis
fearing (or penis loathing crowd) but enjoy none the less. Its is a
mockery of a mockery so ingest with an appropriate sense of humor
with one exception the closing quotes were excerpted from an actual
conversation with a friend last fall. It is perhaps more insightful
than we care to admit.

I have a penis,
after all it is probably the single most defining characteristic of
being male; having a penis that is. And being male in the typical
penis toting male fashion I value my penis more than mere words could
describe.

It has after all served me very well in the 39 years or so I’ve been carrying it
around. I’m fairly certain that its not anything special as far as
Dicks go but still it works when I need it to and at times when I
don’t since in fact that as the old saying goes it has a mind of its
own. Sure a Penis and mine in particular serves a variety of
essential and non essential but pleasurable functions. Unless of
course you consider sex an essential function either for pleasure or
soly for repopulating of the earth. This however is no place for a
mundane debate on over population, replacement value or other
symbolic but irrelevant pinko commie hippie topics that are in some
way related if not inter laced with the penis.

Now considering that most men and by most men I’m making an assumption here based on the cultural behaviors I’ve been exposed to. Most men fall into one
of two categories those that are comfortable with that part of their
anatomy and those that aren’t.

Take the classic
example of a man prizing a woman’s virtue. Why was it a prize?
Because a man with a small penis didn’t want to be compared to
another man she may have known in the biblical sense who was in fact
hung like the stallion roaming around outside in the pasture. Me
I’d rather have a slut who’s a good lay and can move her ass and
other things in a pleasurable way than a frigid neophyte who in
contrast finds no joy or pleasure in the act we are performing. In
contrast to many I’m not possessive and have a good relationship with
my penis.

There are those who
stay covered when walking into the showers of the health club and
those who don’t. Confidence in ones endowment is a strange thing.
It ebbs and flows with the moment and situation for many. Me I’m a
let it all hang out type…Guess what ladies it is what it is and if
you don’t like mine go find another one you do. Gentlemen if nudity
in place where people are supposed to be naked makes you
uncomfortable then why were you looking in the first place…god damn
cock watchers!

And Miss as for it
poking you in the back while I sleep see the aforementioned penis has
a mind of its own type statement. Be flattered and don’t treat it
like a curse. As a side note just because it’s at attention and the
one who owns it might still be sleeping it is not an open invitation
to stick it in your ass while I’m still sleeping. Not that I’m
complaining but every so often letting a man sleep before impaling
yourself with me is an OK thing as well. Its owner would appreciate
the thoughtfulness of this simple courtesy…occasionally.

While many moments
define who we are some of the most memorable either good or bad
involve those intimate moments. One where an errant comment is made,
intentional or otherwise can cause an emotional scar.

My friend Gretchen
from a few decades ago was truly one of the most stunningly beautiful
women I had ever known to this day. Platinum hair, long legs, a
beautiful face, the curves of a classic Hollywood Beauty for the ages
simply gorgeous. Sadly she had a hang up from passing comment made
by a lover that if not all, most would have viewed as
inconsequential, innocuous or unremarkable. In fact is was a comment
that most women would have taken as flattering.

If I told you you
had a small ass would you be offended? Would is cause you years of
uncertainty despite other inner and out beauty that was completely
ravishing? Are women the only ones subject to such insecurities. I
think not. Perhaps they discuss it . They tell their friends
share with their lovers if daring and bold. Passing comments by women
about a penis cause the same type of pain. The same type of scars
ones that are so deep and emotionally rooted in the psyche yet I hear
them made with wanton and reckless abandon.

Still men are to be
stoic, unfeeling, hard like stone , unflappable, hardened,
predictably repetitious in and machine like way. The penis has
become a thing of envy, of replication and a thing to be replaced
with long phallic like pulsating, flashing, undulating machines of
every length and girth, of ever size and shape.

It has been
“improved” by both nature to be found in the produce aisle or
vegetable garden and by science in the form of unrealistically long
freakishly thick girthed phallic symbols. As gratifying and fun as
these things are if man had produced and widely replicated the female
sex organ to anything near the popularity of Zucchini or vibrators or
beyond humorous cartoonish impersonations found in blow up dolls and
pocket pussies the world would be out raged. They would be offended
it would be a sin against both god and nature.

This is where we err.

So today we
celebrate the sanctity, the importance and the power of our defining
maleness.

Today is a day to
be proud of your member no matter how demure or grand.

No matter the girth
or the svelte of it stature

No matter how
straight or curved.

Today is a day
where those who lack the self confidence in their manhood to begin to
believe that the defining characteristic of being male; a penis. Is
in fact a fine thing to posses.

Unless of course you lesbian friends have told the guy hitting on them at the
bar “What do I need your little penis for for when I can can have
one twice as fat that won’t go soft after 15 minutes. Yours might
work twice in a night and my vibrator and strap on works all night
long; every night.”