The Lost Art of the Hand Job

So if I had to document the many twists and turns of my own sexual evolution the 80’s was all about blow jobs for me with the SM type stuff toward the end of the decade.  I was young and while probably into the entire fetish thing a bit young for the period I assure you I wasn’t the only one playing with whips and chains in my age bracket.  Then again I had my first 3 way at barely 18 which was I’m told was far less common then than it is for all the crazy kids out there these days.  And having sex in the same room as other couples was almost a given on most Friday and Saturday nights.  Life was good.

The 90’s continued to evolve my love of a great B.J. and rough sex but add in a little more role play and more dynamic encounters, my first orgy, a basic understanding of swinging, a healthy doses of Sex Caffeine and Rock n Roll.  Early in the decade I considered Vibrators and Toys to be something you only needed if you couldn’t get laid or your dick didn’t work.   Now they are as much a part of most of our sexual routines as our traditional sexual organs.   God I love progress and can’t imagine life with a woman who wasn’t comfortable using toys.  Life was still good and getting better.

The 2000’s well for me it was nude beaches and resorts.  A very memorable week at Hedo, a few hot nights on St, Martin  some mind blowing parties in South Beach and despite it all I think I learned what I always really knew not only did I like sex but in fact I’m truly the happiest when surrounded by other adventurous people who feel the same way.  I would be completely remiss if I didn’t mention the internet and what it has done for sex, lifestyle and Porn (both good and bad).  This was my pants optional in public period.

Somewhere along the way and in between the parties and resorts and with the ability to create and share erotic stories, dirty pictures, and professional like home made porn complete with sound tracks and props something at least in my little corner of the world was lost.  Before during and along the way was the hand job.   I’m not talking about masturbation because despite all the advances in technology and sexuality the fact remains that all of us are pretty much self equipped to get off whenever we need with what we already have  add a little spit and a healthy imagination.

A lover once told me “no matter how good you are it will always feel better if someone else is doing it for you.”  She was a wise and wily little slut who by the way gave amazing hand jobs.   Which is really the point of today’s story.

I’m a lucky guy I get my dick rubbed, tugged, played with, sucked, and fucked on a pretty damn regular basis but somewhere along the way people stopped just jerking me off to make me cum?   Is it a sexual evolution or a lost art form?   Fine tickle my balls as I explode inside of you the more stimulation and the longer I hold on the better the orgasm I’m all for it.

You can stoke me until I could cut diamonds and I won’t complain.  Hold me firmly with your thumb rocking under my head in small pressure filled circles and I’d moan in delight.   A soft long touch with no lube to tease me or pull hard and fast before impaling yourself on me with a wet well rubbed pussy is a wonderful little interlude.  Once upon a time there was one person who world roll me between her hands and she was most masterful at varying the speed and pressure.  Despite all of this I can’t tell you the last time someone just took my dick out and gave me a good hand job with nothing more than a coy look maybe a little dirty talk.   It seems to me that the hand job has become an appetizer to the main course and dessert.  Again don’t get me wrong I’m all for drink followed by the 5 course meal but some nights I just want an appetizer.  I don’t really need the soup, salad, main course, pasta and dessert.   Similarly on occasion in its most basic form I just want to cum,  I don’t want to perform, reciprocate, and selfishly I don’t want to worry about anyone else getting off on anything other than getting me off.

And that is the very reason why I believe that the hand job is very much a lost art that hearkens back to the heady and lust filled days of my youth.  Rather than always breaking new ground and because the choice of options has gotten so wide, the acts so lurid, dirty and deviant that the joy of the little things is lost.  Even if the little things is the very place where innocence once began to shatter.  After all who really needs 3 types of batteries, 5 kinds of specialty lube in 4 different flavors, and a porn collection to rival a university library when a little spit, an eager hand, a dirty mouth and a tissue at just the right time will do just fine.

Just a reminder that my friend Mistress Victoria Sends me quotes everyday and our twisted little circle of friends bat around the responses.  While most of the other folks are intellectual types and counter with other people’s quotes that are point and counter point I’ve decided to make my own up.  here’s the latest week’s batch.

“A kind and compassionate act is often its own reward.”

–William Bennett, American pundit and politician

“Oh Sure it looks like it hurts and well it actually does but you’d be amazed how many people are really into this stuff,  Pain is its own release.”

– Malflic the Sadist explaining his well marked lover and collection of impact toys to a nilla who took a wrong turn at a “party”.

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“Oh I have secrets, now stop for a second and think about what you know about me and then consider the point that there is way worse shit I’m not telling you”

-Malflic publicly accessible recluse

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“Yeah I figured I’d end up Divorced every five years.  Relationships are like cars no matter how great they are eventually you want a different one.”

–Malflic  author of “The art of Monogamy in a Polyamorous world”

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“Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.”

–Abraham Lincoln, 16th U.S. president

“While moaning seemingly in delight she kept reassuring me my fist really would fit in there. Sadly now I think she’s done with me and off to find someone with an even bigger hand to shove in her ass.

-       Malflic – first short fat man to have a pornographic rubber glove endorsement contract.

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“Love is like a rose, the joy of all the earth.”

–Christina Georgina Rossetti, British poet

“So are you going to fuck me or what?”

–Malfic  world renowned inquisitor of women’s sexual intentions…and yes she did fuck him.

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HNT Courtesy of Blue-Eyed Vixen

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #9? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

This Isn’t Play. . . BDSM and Rape – The very basic principle that we hold so dear in BDSM play, “Nothing without consent” seems to stand in stark contrast to a very common form of play, “Rape Play”.

Half-Full – When I get my ass beaten, is it as much for the sensation as it is for the “Good girl…I knew you could take that for me.” that I want so badly at the close of the scene?

House Party Part 2 -His wife walked by at one point and he cryptically asked her to “do what she did to so-and-so earlier”. His wife disappeared behind me, but I felt her hands touching me and his cock as it entered me.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Backseat Orgasms - We kissed lightly and without focus, both a sensual act and maddening at the same time. More, I needed more. In a blur I was on my knees on the seat, straddling his leg, his mouth latched onto one nipple and his fingers hunting for the key to undoing my dress pants.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Are You Watching Me? – A plan of devious proportions begins to form. Before this is over with, I will have forced you into a corner…forced you to act…forced you to give ME what I want.

See also: Pleasurists #64 and 65 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

A story of FL

Contemplation

Cuddling

Floor Exercises

Good day for a milking

Goodbye

G-Spot Orgasms Galore – Part 2

Initiation

Logan

Mark. Confession #423

Mouth

Nothing says I love you quite like…

Playful and Dangerous

Play your part

Plotter

Splish Splash

The Library Hotel

The Secret I Couldn’t Keep

Triple X

Three A.M. Surprise

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anatomy of Desire (PT. Two)

Better Cautious Than Raped

Lingerie Tales Vol 1 An Obsession Begins

My life as a gamer’s slave

Perplexed

Saturday Texting

So Simple

The Elusive Female Orgasm

The G Spot Mouse or How To Make A Woman Squirt

Transtastic: On Language

Kink & Fetish

A No Limits Slave?

Are Discipline and Punishment The Same?

BDSM Advice Series: Pet Play

Bondage 101—Part 1: Bondage Basics

Breaking the Demons

Dark/DirtyBlog Crush

Factory Doll

Hand vs. toys

I’m on a book cover: ‘The Punishment List’ by Abel

Kink

Men as sex objects

Rough Porn

Raleigh and La Fortress

Savouring the texture of my skin with his teeth

The Way They Look At Me

The Slut Chronicles #13 ~ The Auction

Whither the spankosphere?

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Happy Valentines Day!

Hookers, Catholic School Students and Facebook

Lane Bryant Makes Puppies and Kittens Cry

Pussy Cosmetics and Vagina Myths

Stares Glances and absurdity

I have decided that a series of recent events are too funny to not share.  Sadly I will inform you that many of these pieces seems jaded towards the fairer sex which is rather uncharacteristic of me.  Still I’ve decided to share because well frankly some of it is funny, some of it appalling and all of it true.

Often I rant about things that tend to be on the edge of the mainstream and drifting toward the fringe if not well off into the weeds.  Not today though today I’m ranting about something rather demure but it seems to be a growing issue in my world.

Simply put I am a man with a wife and two daughters.  The oldest of which is 16 and when dressed up god help us all looks and carriers herself like someone 5-6 years older.  Sure there have been the few occasion when my itinerate and vile being has explained to some walking hard on she’s a kid so keep moving or risk drawing their last breath.  No she’s not half dressed, flamboyant, or anything even bordering age inappropriate.  In fact in most cases she’s better dressed than people I see on their way to church…which might be part of the problem.   Other than sporting the occasional university sweat shirt there is nothing misleading and since most of this state lives in Mizzou shirts even that’s not odd.

What I’d like to talk about is the women who glare at us as we walk through restaurants and malls together.  Their disapproving glances as we pass of the dirty old man with the pretty young girl as the withered old hags who can’t seem to keep their noses or opinions to themselves cast dispersions in my general direction.  Now I like to think it’s because they’re jealous that I’m “spoken for” but I’m not sure that’s it.

One old bag a little while back with her size 24ish ass came up to me and said “Don’t you think she’s a little young for you.” All but wagging her finger at me when the young lady was out of ear shot.  To which I replied “yeah probably so but considering she’s only here because I fucked her mother I suggest you mind your own business.”   Apparently Mrs Nebshit was offended buy my answer.  Look I get it most dad’s probably don’t go clothes shopping with their 16 year olds but welcome to the new millennium and shit happens.

Yesterday a gaggle of Flat Landers glared in my general direction as we came out of an afternoon movie.  Perhaps I was being paranoid and the snarl at everyone but was it the fact that Diva is young and pretty that garnered their glances.  If so here’s my advice, time is a bitch, smoking makes you age, now everybody say it with me “Sunscreen and exercise”.    Perhaps that was their assessment but they also glared directly at me in an unwavering fashion so I think once again they misinterpreted the situation.  My assessment they all need to go buy a good vibrator and learn to use it.  These were not unattractive women but they were also not on the prowl well cared for cougars either.

Not long after we found ourselves in a cantina having a little dinner.  A Charter Member of the Butt and Gut Club comes in and this time Diva notices the disapproving look.  So I tweet something cavalierly about the situation but it’s still eating at me a little today. Hence my rant.

Look I’m not a dumb ass and know there are 20 year olds banging 40 year olds probably all over the place hence the term trophy wife.  Odds are this has been happening since there have been 20 year olds and 40 year olds.  I get it but it’s probably obvious by basic body language the nature of the relationship.

Odds are though that there are a lot more men in their 40’s running around with girls in their late teens and early 20’s who are simply father and daughter.  So stop assuming some young harlot has stolen another man who might not be frightened off by your age.   After all it’s the nasty looks that keep me from flirting with you in the first place…well that and umm that brown velour sweat suit you’re wearing around.  Once again say it with me…”there is no such thing as your good sweat suit”

Typically I really try to stay away from pop culture commentary sports pontification and current events excluding the occasional gratuitous political satire.  This time however I can’t help myself.  Maybe it’s because I could give a shit what tiger woods does with his penis and for that matter I don’t care what he does with his others wood either seeing as I’m not much of a golf fan.  Perhaps it’s a character flaw of mine that I’m not overly obsessed with who’s doing what with their genitals and I care even less that a person I don’t know is acting in a way that many others might  consider in proper.  Here’s some points I’d like you to consider

1)      I would be more upset if Hugh Heffner became monogamous than if some American Icon of sports made it his lifelong goal to bang every cocktail waitress in the world with a cute ass.  BTW I think there are a lot of people who might have that as a goal present company included.  Hugh being monogamous would be crushing to my viewpoint of life an athlete fucking someone who is not their spouse.  Odds are most of the people reading this fuck people who are not their spouse…yes that includes sex toys, vegetables, self love, and other humans.  Now how god damn righteous do you feel.  Yeah though so.

2)      If the president of the United States can turn a cigar in to a sex toy and have the UN and the world still love him why should Nike care?  It’s not like he was cross-dressing and prancing around in a wedding gown after keeping the company of a woman named after the holy mother and Carmen Electra.  Its not like they were paying him to not screw around with other people they were paying him to be the best in the world at playing with little white balls.  No I do know one nice jewish girl who claims to be the best in the world at playing with little white balls but I think its slightly different that what e does…well based on the news reports anyhow who know what hasn’t come out yet.

3)      I would be moderately more interested if it came out that the pope was wearing leather pants on Mondays and cruising at a dangerous rate of speed through the Italian country side on a Ducati while for a good rabbi to confide in.

4)      It might be news worthy if the Dali Lama teamed up with the WWE to kick The  People’s Republic of China’s ass in a pay per view version of political empire smack down steel cage death match and then he became infatuated with the rush or power and violence ultimately becoming fascist dictator.

5)      I would be upset if my friend AB stopped losing her shirt, flaunting her amazing tits, and showing off her piecings at every party before going into to full blown girl on girl nipple licking mode while rolling around in the back yard with the killer hot and truly Crazy E.   Speaking of pay per view it is better than most of the high end porn on the web.

Look I admit it the only thing I know about golf is  I own clubs and three sets of shoes, I own lay when I half to and prefer to cavort with the college girls working the drink carts during university fund raisers and that I like to drink both Arnold Palmer’s and John Daly’s. and there you have it folks a few not so nice thoughts for a Saturday morning.

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So here you have it folks the latest episode of exercising my demons just in time for fuck me is the ass day.  Oopps wrong day Valentines day.  Same difference really.  Below you’ll find the transcript of this episode and to listen of course just click on the snazzy pickle player on the right or subscribe to the podcast on itunes.

Mistress Victoria’s Intro

Welcome Back to Exercising my Demons I’m Mistress Victoria and I’ll be hosting this episode which is not only the valentine’s day edition but is also the first installment of his lingerie tales series which is the retelling of age old classic malfic experiences as they really happened.  As the saying goes truth is stranger than fiction

Intro

Having not seen Mal in quite a while but getting to spend a little time with him a few weeks back made really remember how shameless the man is.  Whether it was his cavorting with a tall and leggy blonde from Kansas or the unapologetic interaction with a sultry little Russian number who was sporting her ample cleavage and torn fishnet stockings.  He really has a unique gift of being able to make anyone feel completely at home with him or hellishly uncomfortable so often just with a look and a few words.   A fact he demonstrated by making the poor waitress at a little Mexican place blush just by the way he looked into her eyes.  And she was no mousy little thing.  Then there was the devils grin as we walked past the front desk of his hotel when he asked the young ladies working there if they’d like to join us.  While they politely passed on the opportunity they already knew him by name and he’s only been in town for four hours.

So how does one get like that?  Perhaps events like this are what helped to make him into who he is.  So sit back relax, let your imagination run wild and so we begin Lingerie Tales.  An obsession begins.

Malflic

So there is a defining moment that sets things in our minds as important and interesting or not.  I was a child of the 80’s and Lingerie was front and center in so much of the pop culture during those formative years.   Madonna strutting around with her bra showing and what 13 year old could forget her rolling around on TV in a white lace wedding dress exposing her garters and stockings.  Of course there was Prince and his seemingly endless line of  sexy lingerie clad women.   Gett Off is still one of my favorite songs and videos.  Not to mention my seemingly unrestricted access to the holy grail of seductive women; Playboy.   While my friends were all jerking off to the Penny’s catalog lingerie section I had access to the best nudie mags of the day.  What can I say I was a fast study with the right connections. By modern standards I suppose its all fairly demure now.

Sure it was a White Snake video that emblazoned the thong in to my psyche but the for me personally there was always something about Sexy Lingerie from early puberty on that held my attention.   Ironically I’d have to say it had nothing to do with any of these things that truly created my lasting interest in women’s undergarments.

No in my case it was not Rock and Roll, Movies, TV, or even Laura who was 2 years older than me drove a White and Orange 5o’s Chevy hot road and wore her Catholic High School uniform so daringly short you could catch a glimpse of ass and lace if she had her full out strut on or her Lace cuffed shirt white socks and scuffed up heels that made me what I am.   Instead it was a boring Thursday night at the local mall.

In this case I’d like to say that it was Jenny’s fault.   It was a boring Thursday afternoon we were both 17 and had been around the block more than a few times.  In fact my block included a few dark alleys, some questionable city streets and a few memorable moments worthy of their own story.

She asked me to go to the mall.  We were friends but nothing more.  Later in life until she married her second husband and some one inquired about the “nature” of our relationship my standard line was “I Love her, she looks great in thigh high stockings and bent over a sofa, but there’s no way in hell. She’s all yours.”   I meant every word of that with the the utmost sincerity.

At the time she was dating a guy I had come to be friends with.   He didn’t see me as a threat which was rare for a man that age, any guy not threatened by me was just fine.  She conned me into going to the mall.  I showed up at her house.  He dad who was a saint in more ways than one welcomed me in.  She as usual wasn’t quite ready so I sat in the kitchen talking.  When he asked what we were looking for at the mall I had to admit I didn’t have a clue.  45 minutes later we end up at a mall across town instead of the one by her place and she’s leading me into a Lingerie store.

At this point I knew I liked lace, teddies were all the rage back then in the circles I ran.   Chemises and baby dolls didn’t have the same luster as a tight fitting bodice and crotch that could be unsnapped with one’s teeth.  My Journey into the leather, rubber and the fetish scene was already in progress.  However I digress.

I looked at her and eventually she explained why she brought me along.  She wanted to buy a new out fit for her boyfriend and after much explanation she admitted he said “Just get something Michael would like.”

Later I learned that he knew I was going and didn’t care.   Even then I was a pretty open guy but having my girlfriend picking out and modeling new lingerie with another boy might have been a bit much for me at that time.

“What about this” she said holding up a pink sheer bra and bikini panties.  I shrugged, she held on to them.   Then onto the satin and silk stuff, more panties the skimpier the better it seemed.   Making a few selections all while the older suburbanites eyed me like the plague and did everything but call out Slut at her.  At one point I think the sales clerk assumed I was gay since I kept commenting on the quality and construction of the lingerie.   Probably not the most seemingly straight thing to do in 1987.  If there was one thing I knew that could be useful it was quality fabric and good tailoring, a by product of my environment as a kid.  I’m still a quality whore who looks at  fabric quality first, Construction second and brand third before buying anything.

Jenny filled her arms. The lingerie store clerk was a pretty little brunette who might just have been the type to catch my interest held a wide array of panties and bras, a few teddies and even a couple of longish sheer and satin night gowns near the dressing room.

Let the exhibitionism begin.  Should have been announced over the the in store public address system as I sat on a faux pinkish burgundy bench just across from the dressing room.   I watched  the dressing room door close, I could still see mid calf down as she kicked off her heels, then her jeans hit the floor unceremoniously, it was all I expected to see but a few moments later she called out my name, asking if anybody was around and after being told not really swung the door open to reveal her soft white skin clad in a matching bra and panty set.  She smiled, she moved a little, she turned around. Ask what I thought but as she stood there in almost nothing the one thing she didn’t do was blush.

Modesty was not a trait the girl had.  The show continued with different out fits, a strut a pose, a wiggle and a bend as she played along masterfully and loving every minute of it.  The long sheer nighties gave me the creeps. They seemed like something someone 20 years older than her might wear. The cheek baring burgundy number with the unlined bra top was a favorite but the most memorable was the first one she picked out.  The sheer soft pink against her alabaster shin walked the fine line of something that was beautiful in the classic sense, it fit her curves, it teased with muted glimpses of her dark red bush.  Even now when I think of her standing there, red hair flowing, a not so innocent grin, and the dressing room door half ajar time stops for a split second.

It must have been more than an hour from start to finish.  It may have been the first time but it certainly wasn’t the last.  It became a cornerstone of our excessively odd relationship for years and years.

I’ve shopped for lingerie in countless places with a wide assortment of people from lovers to friends since then but it was never quite the same.

Men came and went from her life, women came and went in mine and for the better part of a decade the phone would ring and she’d ask “are you ready to go shopping?”.  Nothing more needed to be said.

Mistress Victoria Outro

Usually Mal’s not the type to kiss and tell but I can certainly say that the woman in this story has had a lasting impression on him in many ways.  She really was a part of his everyday worlds for years and years and in his own twisted and unspoken way really cared about her.   Which brings us to the conclusion of this episode so no matter who it is or why you care about them remember its Valentine’s day this week end.  So do something special for someone you love, lust after, or play with.  The hotter and the dirtier the better…well unless they’re a nilla.

Victoria Sent me

“Keep the gold and keep the silver, but give us wisdom.”

–Arabian proverb

Beware of women wearing gold,and even more so men who claim to not be interested in silver or women wearing gold.

–Malflic Shit House Philosopher

Victoria sent me

“Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above them.”
–Washington Irving,American author

Reply

Rules, what rules? People who follow rules are only cheating themselves from the things others don’t want them to experience.

– Michael Malflic – Chronic Party Animal